Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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