from now on my penis is your penis
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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