I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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