Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
