there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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