Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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