So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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