Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I fill condoms, not promises.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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