Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
