I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
