He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
