I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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