Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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