guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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