Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
