I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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