I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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