she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
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the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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