ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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