come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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