You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
