i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
