Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
