Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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