I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
