dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
