i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
