you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
