We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
