It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
