I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The power of my boobs compel you
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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