We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
