Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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