How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
