i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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