I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
