Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
