DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
