Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He passed out mid-signature
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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