Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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