I think i sorta joined a cult last night
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
