sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
