Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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