I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My life is pants optional.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
