the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
MIDGETS
????
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
