I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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