Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
