i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
