My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
