12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
