Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
meet me or not, i'm out of control
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
