Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
