I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
