Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
