He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
