K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
