How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
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Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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