I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
