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Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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