Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
