I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
