If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
