I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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