Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
