I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
