should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
