kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
