After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
