Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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