I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Yo dont text me then not text me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
