Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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