We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I love you.
Bad choice
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
