everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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