also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
