watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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