All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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