he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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