We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
