when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
