Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
