I can text with my tongue
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
it's like iHOP with fire
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
